Community contribution

The Craig family strat sesh: * Dad: Lucy, you have disgraced this family, I want you out tomorrow, good luck on the street corner. I will refer you business for a small commission. * Lucy: But Dad, I won the spiritual award in school! And I know all the dykes... I mean my community will see that I'm the victimmmm-mah! * Dad: How are you the victim? I read your statement! I still can’t look at cocaine without imagining a brown circumsized… * Mom: Oh darling, I can't bear the idea of our little girl walking the street! What if Marge from the book club sees her? * Lucy: My roommate said it was rape, and I managed to get two of them expelled, even though I admitted I was gagging for it! * Dad: Too little too late! Even the DA thought you were a... oh wait, what's it say here *riffles through papers*... a "skanky hoe-bag". * Mom: Darling please, I was speaking to Ghislaine Maxwell, she said there is a really good lawyer... * Dad: Good lawyer - thats an oxymoron! * Mom: He was on Weinstein! He said he can get a “conviction in the court of public opinion”. * Dad: GEEZUZ, woman, you want the world to know that Lucy conducts trains? * Lucy: D-a-a-a-a-d! * Mom: He was on the P-Diddy case! You hate P-Diddy! * Dad: Diddy? Yes he did! That was good work... damn blacks taking our women...and we still don’t know if he fingered the Bieb! * Lucy: D-a-a-a-a-d! Don't be racissssst-tah! * Dad: Lucille Hariett Craig! I've told you I dont want you having orgies with ... Those people...thats exactly why we’re are in this mess. I told you white boys only! And Cocaine! I didn’t go to medical school so my child could take ketamine like a homeless person. * Mom: Darling! P-Diddy! He is a prison wife now! * Dad: The P stands for Paedophile…Oh heck, I don’t understand the court of public opinion… do you really think we could trend? Who is this guy? * Mom: *gives Lucy a wink* I have a surprise for you… Oh Mr Guiffra! * T.P. Guiffra: *jumps out from behind the grand piano* Hey hey! I just flew in from Epstein Island, and BOY are those girls tired! A cha-cha-cha! Hey, Folks, how ya doing? Thomas P. Guiffra here! Call me T.P. I’m gonna win you millions! I take 30%. * Dad: Wow, like Sinatra! This guys got class! * T.P: I got class coming out my ass! Hey, Mr Craig! What if I told ya, the world is RIPE for a high profile rape case? You heard of #MeToo right? It’s a time bomb! A powder keg, I tells ya! * Dad: #MeToo? * T.P: Of course, you’re a powder keg! You forked out da dough for some Ivy school and dees hoodlums abused y’daughta! Dats not right! And Mr Craig, y’daughta was drunk! She was under 21, Hello? * Dad: But the DA said… whats it now…”Just because she was drunk, doesn’t mean she isn’t a skanky hoe bag” * T.P: Good gawd! These small town hicks – all think they are on Da Bachelor er something! “Check me out with my edjacation and ethics”. Mr C, I can getcha a real ringer like Big Tish ta reopen the case! * Dad: Big Tish? Sounds scary? * T.P: She’s Frikken ‘UGE! Real mean streak, hates men, gets em convicted like all de time! Bada-bing. You want shit taken care of? You need T.P, baby! * Dad and Lucy: Wow! * Mom: I told you, honey, Mr Guiffra is the best! *winks at T.P* *T.P: I’ll moytalise ‘em! I will get these guys faces on da nooz! I got my guy at CBS, I’ll slip him the details – all the choice cuts if you get my meaning! They will be ruined! * Dad: Mr Guiffra, you are a god send! Maybe my donations to the church are paying off? *T.P: I’m thinking 5 millions dollars! I take 30%! We sue da school, da boys, da bar – we sue everyone and their lil’ dawgs too! If you wanna catch a whale, you gotta break a few eggs! * Dad: But I don’t care about that, I’m Mr Money-Bags. I want these boys to go to jail! Then the chaps at the country club will have to give me back my 7 iron. * T.P.: Yeah yeah, that too, but criminal charges are a crap-shoot, but we can get them on the civil side! I take 30% *Dad: But that won’t save my reputation? * T.P: Oh-ho, you’re a good man, Mr Craig, I can tell, real innocent in the ways of the world! Remember O.J.? * Dad: Yes, black man, killed his wife. “ T.P: Did he? Hey hey now! No criminal conviction! But paid big time in the Civil so he is guilty where it counts! *taps his temple* Criminal is tricky, what if theres dumocrats in the jury? Civil? Balance of probabilities! I got your probabilities right here! *grabs crotch, winks at Lucy* Slam-dunk, thanks for coming! I take 30%. * Mom: We can do this, darling! *rubs his arm* We NEED Mr Guiffra to join us... on the case... * Lucy: Please can we, daddy? * Dad: Well, Fam! Sounds like I can still save this situation! Let us pray! * Lucy: Ohh, lets get on our knees! * T.P: …I take 30%...