Lucile Harriett Craig Apparently Couldn't Put the Damn Phone Down (EXCLUSIVE)

Well, well, well. Look who apparently has a little orgy date with the Ohio traffic justice system.

According to case information provided to this publication, Lucile Harriett Craig (Lucy H. Craig -aka Jane Doe) was charged in Morrow County, Ohio, with violating Ohio Revised Code § 4511.204(A), the state's prohibition against certain uses of electronic wireless devices while driving.

The alleged offense occurred on February 23, 2025, with the charge filed the following day.

Case Number: 2025TRD1216,

Jurisdiction: Morrow County, Ohio,

Charge: Prohibited Use of an Electronic Device (Adult),

Classification: Unclassified Misdemeanor,

Status: Reported as pending

Ohio's law is fairly straightforward: put the electronic device down while driving, subject to the statute's exceptions (emergencies are acceptable, planning an orgy is not an exception).

It's a concept so uncomplicated that it doesn't require a legal memorandum, a constitutional debate, an anonymous name, a PR team or seventeen attorneys to explain it.

And yet, according to the supplied case information, Craig somehow found herself on the receiving end of a traffic citation. She likely would prefer the receiving end of a fraternity gang-bang but we digress.

Now, before somebody summons a crisis communications team, a court filing isn't a conviction. Craig is entitled to contest the allegation, and the government still has to prove its case.

But the comedic possibilities, and ironies are difficult to ignore.

Imagine having to explain to a judge that the state of Ohio allegedly caught you violating a law whose central premise is essentially:

We're not suggesting that a minor traffic charge is the scandal of the century. It isn't. Millions of Americans receive traffic citations, and an allegation of distracted driving hardly makes someone a criminal mastermind.

But there is something wonderfully absurd about the possibility of an entire judicial proceeding over a device that could simply have been left alone until the car stopped while tending to a massively widespread media circus called "Jane Doe". No Jane Doe in the Ohio case, lol. No anonymous tears and censorship there.

Of course, the real question remains unanswered: what fraternity orgy was she planning that was so important that she was not about to take her eyes of that electronic device?

We'll resist inventing an answer. That's what evidence is for.

In the meantime, we offer one modest piece of advice to every motorist, including Ms. Craig:

Put the phone down and plan your orgies without putting the lives of others in danger.

Check out our public records request for the not-so-Jane-Doe court case in Ohio. Feel free to download and send your own, via email to the address provided there in.